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| Frozen Crabs & the Blonde Stewardess
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blond stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs, in New Orleans , please raise your hand.
Not one hand went up .... so she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blonds aren't as dumb as most folk think.
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| | An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people
who remarked it was a shame the old man
was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,
so they changed positions.
Then, later, they passed some people who remarked,
'What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.'
So they then decided they'd both walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought
they were stupid to walk when they had a
decent donkey to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people
who shamed them by saying how awful to
put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man figured they were probably right,
so they decide to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge,
they lost their grip on the animal
and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone,
you might as well...
Kiss your ass goodbye!! |
| | You got to love this guy...
This is a true story about a recent
Wedding that took place at Clemson
University . It was in the local
newspaper and even
Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300
guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's family and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.
He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, 'F---you!' Then he turned to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'
Then he turned to the dumb founded crowd and said, 'I'm outta here.'
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless' commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the bestman: Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD
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